She Let Go

Someone shared a poem with me.  I think it really moved me to look at what holds me back from making decisions and just let it all go .  I re-packed and re-purposed it, but here is what I have.  Enjoy.

She Let Go

She let go without a thought or a word, she let go.

She let go of fear. She let go of pre and post-judgments.

She let go of the influences and opinions swarming around in her head.

She let go of the committee of indecision that lived within her.

She let go of all the right reasons and the wrong behaviors.

She let go of the prejudices, discriminations and biases.

Wholly and completely. Without hesitation or worry, she just let go. 

She didn’t ask for advice.  She didn’t read a How To book, she just let go.

She let go of all the memories that held her back. She let go of all the anxiety that kept her from moving forward. 

She let go of all the planning and calculations to ensure she did it just right.

She didn’t promise to let go.  She didn’t write it in her journal or on her blog.  She made no public announcement.  She didn’t Tweet or Facebook about it, she just let go.

She didn’t check with her daily horoscope or check the weather report.  She just let go.

She didn’t analyze or call her friends to discuss the matter.  She didnt call her parents for advice, she just let go.

No was around when it happened.  There was no applause or congratulations.  No one thanked or praised her.  No one noticed a thing. 

Like a leaf falling from a tree, she let go.  Without effort or struggle.  She let go.

It wasn’t good.  It wasn’t bad.  But it was what it was, because she let go.

A smile came over her face and a light breeze blew through her.  And for the first time in a very long time, she felt complete and simply because she let go.

My favs...

My daughter asked me what my favorite things in life are (besides the kids).  I thought it would be nice to list them out and go on record as to what I would rather NOT live without.  I love my children AND JESUS and they are at the top of my list, but these are the things that are next in line.  So here they go...

• Water (with lemon)- I (heart) H2O, aqua, voda, 물.  Whatever language you speak, add some lemon and it's my favorite.
• Poetry- In college I was an English major, but long before college, I was in love with poetry.  So much so in fact, I started studying the history of it.  I am obsessed with everything about it.  There is something romantic, entertaining, sacred and educational about poetry.  The first Poet Laureate was appointed by Henry VII of England and since then, we have been privileged enough to read the thoughts and feelings from people who loved and lived long before our existence.
• Baking- I sat on the counter at a very young age while my Grandmother was baking our favorites (Sweet Potato Pie, Upside Down Pineapple Cake, Ho-Cake bread, Carrot Cake, etc...).  I guess watching her taught me how many pinches of this and cap fulls of that to put in to perfect the recipes I grew up with.  On top of loving to bake, it soothes my soul.
• Riesling- Who knew that fermented fruit juice would taste this good?! Not me...But I LOVE IT!  If/When I win the lottery, my full-time job will be a oenophile (a wine connoisseur).
• Marketing/Advertising- Now here comes the UBER-NERD in me.  My career allows me the opportunity to learn and experience things that not too many people get to (or at least get excited about).  Everyday, I get to alter the way people view a brand by the words, images and colors we use.  Technology is amazing and I get to watch it evolve daily.  Don't judge me yet though,because I have a secret...I am using an antiquated mobile phone (the second version of a flip phone). 
• Target- There are people on planet Earth that are addicted to food, addicted to drugs, addicted to boys who wear skinny jeans...well...My name is Catherine and I am a Target addict!  The "every thing's a dollar" section in the front of the store gets me every time.  Target is the only place where top designers, jumbo packs of toilet tissue, garden tools and televisions on sale, go to live! 
• Coffee (This does NOT need an explanation).  Go into Starbucks, Dunkin Donuts, Einstein's, where-ever and you too will be adding this to your list. 

So that sums it up.  I am sure that this list doesn't make Oprah Winfrey's "favorite things" list, but I love it!

She has reached her mountain...

For those of you that know me, you know I have a semi twin sister.  Although we are a year apart and born on different months and dates, we resemble each other so much so, people always ask if we are twins.   Although we live miles apart, I ensure that she is appropriately stalked by me every now and then.  Truth be told, I think she likes it.  Recently, she took a family vacation with her husbands family to the West Coast.  The significance in this is that for most of her adult life, she was scared to fly, but her career has placed her on planes often and she had to fight through her fears.  I am sure flying across the country was a treacherous time for her, but she made it there.  While on her vacation, she climbed the canyon and sat atop and peaked out among the elements.

Here is what I learned from my sister.  Life may take you on a long, difficult scary journey, but once you get to your destination and look out, there will be a beautiful sight. 

The names have been removed to protect the innocent...

"BOURGEOIS!"  That's how the night started.  An older woman decides it would be nice to hang out with my girlfriends and I, has way too much cognac and coke, proceeds to damn my girlfriends and I to hell and calls us bourgeois.  
I'm not sure why, but the word "bourgeois" stung.  By all definition if someone calls you bourgeois that means you are putting on airs. Means you are laying claim to a degree of intellectual, financial, political sophistication.  In my mind, bourgeois is the opposite of progressive and there's where the bee sting came into place.  So I began to analyze the group of ladies I was with that night and access why Dr. Evil's mistress would think we were putting on airs. 
From her view, she could have only been using her eyes to define us as bourgeois. I can't lie, my girlfriends are successful middle class women.  All of them have secondary and/or post-graduate degrees, a societal definition of a "nice" car, attend Zumba classes regularly, belong to book clubs and have vision boards, but bourgeois? I can't see it.  These women are progressive.  We are all striving to be better than the generation before us and I won't apologize for that.  Call me bourgeois, but call me relentless, classy and educated.  Now how's that for bourgeois?!

Seriously?

Walking in the mall, minding my own business when out of the blue, I ran into someone I knew.  This someone asked me what happened to me. I looked down at myself and tried to figure it out too. Was it that obvious? I had gained some weight since college (but who hadn't). After all, I gave birth THREE times!  My hair has started turning gray, but I managed to hide it under the hair that is still brown.  I didn't know what they meant by "What happened to you?", so I started rambling off excuses.  One after the other, the excuses spewed out. I started with the fact that I have three children that are very active in sports and activities and my car is a local taxi and I am tired (which is why the bags under my eyes have become the size of Hefty trash bags).  Then I explained how my career had taken a turn and things have picked up over the past couple of years and I was taking work home with me (which is why I carry around two phones, a tablet and a laptop). As I made excuses for what I thought were my shortcomings, they listened intently.

After a few minutes, I asked.."What do you mean what happened to me?" I thought I had it all figured out or at least I thought I appeared to have it pulled together, but maybe it was all in my head.

The person looked at me, smiled awkwardly and uttered.."In high school, you were going to be a journalist or a writer.  I thought by now you would have made something of yourself, but you are just like the rest of us and you look burnt out!"  I changed the subject and over the past couple of days, I have been thinking about their comment and I was beating myself up over it.  I had made something of myself and I am very happy with the woman I have become.  

I am a mother.  I have been granted the opportunity to teach three children what the world has taught me (even if sometimes I feel like life is punking me).  This is by far the biggest and best career I could have been given.  These three are insanely cute and are like sponges and I get to be the person that teaches them to learn how to forgive and be forgiving.  To use your God given talents to make a perfect universe for yourself and even though you might not think so, your mother is always right!

I am a writer (and a constant reader).  I have taken the words from writers like Aesop, Jane Austen, Amiri Baraka, William Shakespeare, Paul Laurence Dunbar and Sonia Sanchez and applied them to my daily living.  Not everyone has the oppprtunity to give a friend hope with the words of greats like Dr. Cornel West.

I am a friend.  Very simple. I ALWAYS consider what someone else might be going through before I run into them and try to delete their confidence with my words.  I would never tell someone that I thought they were going to be someone, but they aren't.  We are all relevant!  I KNOW I am.

I wish I had thought of all these things when that person approached me, but I was thrown off, but next time, I will be armed with a quick mind and a slick tongue.

I have tried to be a man of letters in love with ideas in order to be a wiser and more loving person, hoping to leave the world just a little better than I found it.” ~Cornel West

My sister, the terror.

When I was about six years old, my sister cut my Barbie's hair.  I am not talking about a cute bob or razor bangs, she butchered their heads.  When I began crying, she promised the hair would grow back just like mine did.  It never did!  When I was about nine years old, I ran home from school one afternoon, the door was locked, so I rang the bell and that same sister told me that in order to get in, I needed to taste the chili she had on a gigantic spoon.  I should have known something was "fishy" when I saw my brother holding a glass of water and smiling, but I ate the 5-alarm chili anyway and as I the heat set in and I jumped for the water to rinse down the fire in my mouth, my sister laughed hysterically, refused to let me in and dared me to tell our parents.  She even promised me she would make me the best baked goods in her home economics class  in exchange for my allowance, needless to say, the goodies never showed and she spent my allowance on fortunes of her own.  As we became teens, she began to steal my favorite clothes and told me that the dryer ate my favorite jeans or she accidentally left my cutest sweater at her friends house, only for me to see her a day or two later wearing the same ensemble.  Growing up, my sister was down right terrible.
She left for college and I was releaved.  When it was time for me to go off to college, she convinced me to attend where she attended and I obliged.  I knew I was in for some hazing from my sister, but like when we were kids, she was convincing.   I am happy to report, her antics stopped.
Over the years, the two of us formed a friendship.  She became my confidante and my tour guide when I lost my way.  I have been on plenty of literal "ledges" and she has always talked me down. There are still times when I notice my favorite shirts or purses are missing and when I see her again, she will be wearing them, but there is no way I can repay her for the valuables she has placed in my life.
My awful sister came for a quiet visit this week.  Over mimosas and movies, we laughed and remained around each other for a couple of days and although we didn't discuss much, her presence spoke volumes.  I once told my sister, we have to be sisters, but we make the choice to be friends.  I am so glad she is my friend and not as awful as I once thought!

Who is the Surgeon General anyway?

I read a report from the Surgeon General that says to help achieve and maintain a healthy lifestyle, Americans of all ages should reduce the consumption of sodas and juices with added sugars; eat more fruits, vegetables, whole grains, and lean proteins; drink more water and choose low-fat or non-fat dairy products; limit television time to no more than 2 hours per day; and be more physically active.  Does the Surgeon General even have a name?  I may want to drop him/her a letter if the report helps my family become healthier, but who do I address it to?  (Dear Mr./Mrs. Suregon General Sir/Ma'am). 
Anyway...based on this report, I decide that my entire family is going to follow this vision. What better place to start then at my local grocery store? 
Let the shopping begin...
I had not eaten that morning and rushed out hungry. BIG MISTAKE!  When I walked through the sliding doors the aromas from the bakery hit me like a foul ball while not looking. I could smell cookies, cupcakes, baklava, croissants, sourdough, you name it..they were baking it.  I strolled by and they were giving out free samples of cookies. The clerk offered and I accepted!  The cookies were so good (White Chocolate Macadamia), I asked her to box up a dozen fresh baked treats for me and the clan.  This leads me to my second mistake.
I brought the kids with me. GIGANTIC MISTAKE! Since the kids were with me, they could help me get all the items on my list.  COLOSSAL MISTAKE!  
My list was simple (please refer to the actual list below...)

• Reduced Fat milk (just like the Surgeon General said)
• Eggs
• Bananas
• Apples
• Oranges
• Pears (for diversity)
• Cherries (By the Way-These little things are SO expensive!)
• Whole Grain Bread
• Lean turkey (from the deli)
• Asparagus
• Brocoli
• Green Beans
• Light Popcorn

A small list and if done correctly, I could get in the 20 items or less line and be out of the store in no time! As I strolled the aisles, with kids in tow.  Every two minutes I heard the rationale from my kids. "Look Mom!  Buy One, Get One!" Can we get these?  I thought Blueberry Muffins, Pop Tarts, Fruit Roll Ups, etc... couldn't be that bad.  "Go ahead, grab two packs!"  Down every single aisle there was a BOGO offer and they rationalized with me.  Every few minutes I even heard "AND its good for us".  As my twelve year old steered the cart to the check out line, I looked into the cart and it was filled to the brim with 900 million calories!
The shock of a full cart, the words of the Mr./Mrs. Surgeon General Sir/Ma'am, no vegetables or fruits in sight and a pushy check-out clerk caused me to turn red (if you knew me, you would see how this is possible) and sharply give my children the parent stare. 
I began to only take the healthy choices out of the cart and place them on the belt.  My children began to question this behavior. The little one even had a minor temper tantrum as she held onto a large bag of Cheetos Puffs. I heard them whispering to each other "I can't believe she won't let us have the Strawberry Pop-Tarts!"  I gave a cut of my eyes, swiped my card, abandoned the half full cart, bid the clerk adieu and vowed to NEVER take the kids shopping again. 
I am convinced, the Surgeon General must be a person with no kids and must send someone else to do the grocery shopping.